come here often?

angrybagel:

“NO HOMO” i scream at my dog Homo as he shits on the carpet 

(via tyleroakley)

me:i don't even care. i'm not going to talk about this anymore.
...
me:and you know what else? [2000 word rant]

saywhatjessie:

rexuality:

a person complaining about puns basically invites every pun enthusiast in the vicinity to come snapping rhythmically from the shadows 

(via kingrances)

lieutenantstilinski:

edenidoigo:

whalegod:

tell me a secret

One time during class my drama/english teacher, who’s a devout vegan and all about not killing animals, accidentally stepped on a ladybug. He froze up and slowly cradles it in his hand and he was so heartbroken and started quoting Hamlet.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a red m&m.

I can’t breathe

(via laineylovegood1000)

bagellie:

benefits of being friends with me

  • shitty jokes whenever you ask for them
  • shitty jokes whenever you don’t ask for them

(via tyleroakley)

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